Clean Bible Jokes

A minister dies and is waiting in line at the pearly gates. Ahead of him is a guy dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, a leather jacket and jeans. St. Peter addresses this guy, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the kingdom of heaven?" The guy replies, "I am Joe, a taxi driver from Las Vegas."

St. Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the taxi driver, "Take this silk robe and gold staff and enter the kingdom of heaven." The taxi driver goes into heaven with his robe and staff, and now it is the minister's turn.

He stands erect and proudly blurts out, "I am Joseph, the pastor of a church for 45 years."

St. Peter consults his list. He says to the minister, "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the kingdom of heaven."

"Just a minute," says the minister. "That taxi cab driver got a silk robe and a gold staff. How can this be?"

"Up here, we work by results, " says Peter. "While you preached, people slept; while he drove, people prayed."

More Clean Bible Jokes:

This guy goes into his barber, and he is all excited. He says, "I am going to Rome! I am going to fly on American West Airlines, stay at Romes Hilton Hotel and see the Pope."

The barber says, "Oh brother. American West is a terrible airline, the Hilton is a dump and when you see the Pople, you'll probably be standing in back of about 10,000 people."

So the guy goes to Rome and comes back. His barber asks, "How was your trip?"

"Great!" he says. American West was a great airline. The hotel was fabulous and I got to meet the Pope."

"You met the Pope?" said the barber.

"Yep. And I even bent down to kiss the Pope's ring."

"And what did the Pope say to you?" asked the barber.

"He said, "Where did you get that crummy haircut?"

Here's Yet Another Clean Bible Joke:

"I'm lonely," Adam told God in the Garden of Eden. "I need to have someone around for company."

"Okay," replied God. "I'll give you the perfect companion. She is beautiful, intelligent, and gracious. She'll cook and clean for you and she will never say a cross word."

"Sounds great," Adam said. "But what's she going to cost?"

"An arm and a leg," answered God.

"That's pretty steep," replied Adam. "What can I get for a rib?!"

Why was Isaac 12 years old when God called Abraham to sacrifice his son?

Because if he had been a teenager, it wouldn't have been a sacrifice!

A man was praying to God. He said, "God? Can I ask you a question?"

"Go right ahead," God said.

"God, what is a million years to you?"

God replied, "A million years to me is only a second."

"Hmmm." Then the man said, "What is a million dollars worth to you?"

God then replied, "A million dollars to me is as a penny."

So the man said, "God, can I have a penny?"

And God said, "Sure!...Just a second."

Another Clean Bible Joke:

A pastor goes bear hunting in the mountains. As he rounds the corner along the path, he collides with a bear. The pastor stumbles backward and tumbles down the mountain. As he begins to fall down the mountain he notices that the bear is in hot pursuit after him. The pastor then hits a huge boulder, breaking both of his legs and sends his rifle flying. The pastor is lying there with no gun, unable to walk and sees the bear charging him. He cries out to God, "Lord, I repent for all I have done. Please make this bear a Christian!" The bear skids to a halt at the pastor's feet, falls to its knees, clasps its paws together, and says, "Lord, thank you for the food that I am about to eat!"

Madame fortune teller, tell me: Are there golf courses in heaven?"

"I have good news, and I have bad news."

"What's the good news"

"The good news is that the golf courses in heaven are beautiful beyond anything you could imagine!"

"That's wonderful. What's the bad news?"

"You'll be teeing off at 8:30 tomorrow morning."

One More Clean Bible Joke!

After the church service, a little boy told the pastor: "When I grow up, I'm going to give you some money." "Well, thank you," replied the pastor, "but why?" "Because my dad says you're one of the poorest preachers we've ever had."

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